Or a ”pace” as my cardiologist says. Lingo. I’ve been having something called asystole which is basically a form of cardiac arrest, but the difference is that the heart starts beating by itself again. You feel lightheaded and it’s best to sit/lay down in order to avoid falling over. I feel a small pain in my head, but I wouldn’t have thought about it all if it had happened at home before all of this. And, most likely it has been happening to me before I came to the hospital. As I am monitored via EKG 24/7, they see everything. Asystole is something they refer to as a benign signal disturbance and it occurs in one of two electrical knots in the heart. This one is situated at the “edge” of the heart. If it occurs in the second knot, which is in the middle of the heart, that means full cardiac arrest with a possible lethal outcome. That is NOT what I have though.
It happened the first time last Thursday night and there was no heart signal on my EKG for seven seconds. Then it happened again yesterday morning and so they decided not to take any chances. It is more however a precaution for the next round of chemo which will be stronger than this one. The pacemaker will be put in sometime during Tuesday, and then I get to go home! Can’t wait. It takes about 30 minutes, they put it in via the neck (how cool is that?!) and then it’s finished. The doctor said that if I would have been having these interruptions without having a tumor in my heart and without experiencing fainting, they would not put in a pacemaker at the moment. So, it is just to make sure that nothing happens further along. If they don’t put it in now and then realize I need it during the next chemo, they would probably have to stop the chemo and wait for my immune system to go back up and then continue the treatment. This would not be ideal of course. I trust my doctors to make the best decisions they can, even though they can never guarantee anything, but I feel safe here.
Otherwise I am starting to get very bored. Been here for 2,5 weeks and will be exactly three on Tuesday when I get home. I want to go outside and also to be in another environment than these brick buildings (think stereotyped Soviet Union buildings) with its sterile interior. But as an ambulance nurse told me two weeks ago: if you are very ugly on the outside, you got to be real nice on the inside and that is very true as far as all the hospital staff goes. My doctors and all the nursing staff are the best. Could not cope without them.
Just finished up to my ninth bag of chemo, tomorrow it will be over for these first ten days. At least the liquid is clear this time, looks like an ordinary IV fluid. The first round of chemo I got last summer was orange. Made me nauseated just by looking at it.
If I have enough strength next week at home, I will be spending my time decorating for Christmas, doing arts and crafts and drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream. And singing and listening to Christmas music. No surprise there for those who know me well.
My first single is almost finished in production and I can’t wait to share it with you! Will be getting help from my friend Alina with making a cover and I’m hoping to also make a video very soon. Always been a dream of mine to do that, so it would be great to fulfill it.
Thank all of you for reading and for commenting. It is important for me to be able to be honest with everyone about what is going on and it is so valuable to be open and frank about how I feel. It is an important lesson to be learned and if I survive this, I really want to maintain this focus and clarity that I feel that I have at this moment.
PS. I am putting out a warrant for Cage dark. Who are you??? I am so intrigued!